Things I like to do at Wal-Mart while my spouse is taking her sweet time

• Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
• Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
• Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
• Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3′ in housewares … and see what happens.
• Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
• Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
• Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
• When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
• Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
• While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
• Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
• In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
• Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME!”
• When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

(And last, but not least!)

• Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”