the Daily Funnies

Some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

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What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

A teacher gave her fourth-grade students a list of beginnings of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one. Here are some examples of what they submitted:

As you shall make your bed so shall you…..Mess it up.
Better be safe than…..Punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the…..Bug is close.

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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich,

“What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

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