Police Comments

Top 15 wisecracks from police officers after stopping cars:

#15. “Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14. “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11. “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

#9.. “Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8.. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7.. ” Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey doo.”

#6.. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5.. “No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

#4.. “Just how big were those two beers?”

#3.. “In God we trust; all others we run through GCIC / NCIC.”

#2.. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”