I needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss wouldn’t allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “crazy” he would allow me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker, a blond, asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.
A blond wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
She was a bit embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind herself to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she still couldn’t do it.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to start off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off; the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder, and seeing as it’s Texas, he’s sent to the electric chair.
On the day of his execution he’s in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
“Well,” says the man, “is that your packed lunch over there?”
“Yes,” answers the executioner.
“Can I have that green banana?”
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver’s door.
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.