Diet Plan

One day, back when I had a Great Dane, I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart. I was in line to check out when a woman behind me asked, “Oh! Do you have a dog?” [Well, DUH!]

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time.

I went on to say that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry…that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in intensive care because I had been poisoned.

I answered, “No … I was sitting in the street licking myself when a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have to be carried out.