the Daily Funnies

Sean O’Malley’s wife is about to go off to Dublin for a day of shopping. She sternly looks at Sean and says “Sean, you’re not to go down to Duffy’s tavern!  I don’t want you to spend your day jest drinkin!”

But, of course, the minute she leaves Sean heads off for Duffey’s, where he has Guinness after Guinness.

Suddenly he looks at his watch and says “Jesus and Mary, it’s 5PM and the wife is gonna be home and I promised her I wouldn’t go here”

He gets up and promptly falls on his face.

He gets up again, takes three steps and falls on his face again.  He falls three more times before he gets out the door of Duffy’s.  It takes him a full hour to travel the few blocks from Duffey’s to his house — get up, take a few steps, fall down.  But fortunately, his wife isn’t home yet.

He brushes himself off and smiles wanly as she enters the house.  She doesn’t say a word.  But then the telephone rings.  Sean says “I’ll get it,” but the wife gets it first.  Sean can her her saying things like “yes,” and “okay,” and “I understand.”

She hangs up and confronts Sean:  ”So, ya went to Duffy’s today, didn’t ya?”   Sean yammers and hems and haws but finally ‘fesses up.  ”So, did Duffey squeal on me on the phone?,” he asks.

“Na, he was just callin to say you left your wheelchair there…”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“And why is that Eve?”

“I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“Man? What is that?” asked Eve.

“A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” said Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, “but what’s the catch?”

“Well,…..you can have him on one condition.”

“And what’s that, dear God? “

“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring…so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret… you know, woman to woman.”