Archive - December, 2007

Time to cuss

A seven-year-old boy and his four-year-old brother were upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” said the seven year old. “I think it’s about time we start cussing.” The four year old nodded his head in approval.

“When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say hell, and you say ass, ok?” The four year old agreed with enthusiasm.

The mother walked into the kitchen and asked the seven year old what he wanted for breakfast. “Aw hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.” WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

The mother looked at the four year old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do you want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbered, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

A Fish(y) Story

A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I’ve been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week.

“This is a good opportunity for me get closer to him and hopefully I’ll get that promotion I’ve been wanting.  We have to leave as soon as I get home, so could help me by packing ahead of time?   Would you please pack me enough clothes for a week — and, oh, would you set out my rod and tackle box?  I’ll swing by the house to on the way to the airport to pick up my things.  Oh .. and one more favor, please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks this all sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired, but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish.

He says, “Yes! Lots of walleye, some blue gill, and a few pike. But one little thing,though.  Why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?”

The wife replies, “I did.  They’re in your tackle box.”

A Management Case Study

Toyota and General Motors decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality First Program,” with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.

Powerless

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through, she leaned over and said, “I just had a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He replied, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”