Symphonic Q&A

Q: Why do so many people take an instant dislike to Viola players?

A: Why wait; It saves so much time.

Q: Why are Violist’s ears sought after for transplants?

A: They’ve never been used.

Q: Why do Violists get antsy when they see the Kama Sutra?

A: They can’t handle any subject reference to “more than one position”.

Q: Why is a Violist like a terrorist?

A: They both screw up bowings. (Bowings/Boeings … Get it?)

Q: What’s the difference between a Violist and a terrorist?

A: A few people actually like terrorists; Their mothers …

Q: Why is a Viola like a lawsuit?

A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Q: Why are Violas larger than Violins?

A: They’re not; It’s an optical illusion. Viola players have small heads.

Q: What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a Viola?

A: A chainsaw has a better chance at blending in a string quartet.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around musicians a lot?

A: A Viola player.

Q: What do you call a Viola player with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call a Violist with more than one brain cell?

A: Pregnant.

Q: What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a Viola?

A: In the “Texas Viola Massacre”, the killer was wearing a tuxedo.

Q: What do a SCUD missile and a Viola player have in common?

A: They’re both offensive and inaccurate.

Q: Why do Violists make effective rapists?

A: It’s hard to fight back when you’ve got your hands over your ears.

Q: What’s the most effective male birth control method?

A: Tell the girl he plays the Viola.

Q: Why don’t Violists play hide and seek?

A: Because no one will look for them.

Q: Why shouldn’t Violists take up mountain climbing?

A: If they get lost, no one will look for them.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Viola player with a sheep?

A: A sheep that plays out of tune and has lousy time.

Q: What’s the ideal weight for a professional Viola player?

A: About 20 ounces – not counting the urn.

Q: Why are some Violists taking up the Accordion?

A: Upward mobility.

Q: Why are so many Violists dating drummers?

A: It makes them feel superior.

Q: How do you get a Viola player out of a tree?

A: Cut the rope!

Q: Why are Viola jokes so short?

A: So Drummers can remember them.