Archive for the ‘Blond’ Category
Intelligent Blond?
Two sisters, a blonde and brunette, inherit the family ranch, but after a few years hit money troubles. To stop repossession, they have to buy a bull so they can breed their own stock.
With only $600 left, the brunette heads west to a ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister “When I get there, if I buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
Arriving at the ranch and inspecting the bull, the brunette decides to buy it and the man tells her it’ll cost $599. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send a telegram to her sister informing her of the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
With only $1.00 left, the brunette realises she can only send one word, but after thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’” The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?’”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it real slow. – Com-for-ta-ble.”
The blond and the trucker
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blond drives up behind him. She jumps out of her car and runs up to the truck, knocks on the driver’s door. The driver rolls down his window and the blond says “Hi, my name is Heather and I want to let you know you’re losing some of your load!!!”
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
The truck stops for another red light, the blond catches up again, and once again jumps out of her car and runs up to the truck and pounds on the door.
The driver rolls down his window once again, and as if they’ve never spoken before the blond says, “Hi, my name is Heather and I want to let you know you’re losing some of your load!!!”
Shaking his head, the trucker proceeds down the road.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
When the light turns green the trucker revs his engine and races to the next light. He stops, flings open his door and runs back to the blond’s car as she pulls up behind him.
He knocks on her door and as she rolls down the window he says, “Hi, my name is Mark! It’s winter in Pennsylvania, and I’m driving a SALT TRUCK!!”
Parties
The local minister noticed a little girl standing outside of his door with a basket of kittens.
“Hello, little girl, what do you have there?”
“These are my Democratic kittens,” she replied.
Amused, the pastor said nothing. Two weeks later he saw the same little girl with (apparently) the same basket of kittens.
“My, I see you still have your Democratic kittens.”, he said.
“No, you see, these are Republican kittens,” she answered.
“Two weeks ago they were Democratic kittens,” he replied, puzzled.
“Two weeks ago they had their eyes closed.”
Highway Distress
A blond’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
These are not only lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, but the trenchcoats are cutouts that flap open, exposing the men’s nude bodies to approaching drivers…
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. Before long before a police car arrives. The police officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”
“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman, calmly. ”Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the officer…
“Oh, those are my emergency flashers!” she replies.
Think fast
I needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss wouldn’t allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “crazy” he would allow me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker, a blond, asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.