Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
A pessimist?s blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Sea captains don?t like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it?s a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man?s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it?s an I for an I.
A bicycle can?t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What?s the definition of a will? (Come on, it?s a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don?t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I?ll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can?t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn?t find the key.
Every calendar?s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t?aint yours and it t?aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you?ve seen one shopping center, you?ve seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she?d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa?s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
The poor guy fell into a glass-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
