Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category
Little Johnny
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up—fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” the boy said, “He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
Presidential Humor
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men’s room where they found a strange-looking gentleman sitting at the entrance.
He said, “Welcome to the gentlemen’s room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!”
Grandpa
Without any paperwork, Grandpa started getting a $500 check every month. So Grandpa and Grandma started cashing them. It turns out an insurance company made a mistake with the address; the checks were intended for another person with the exact same name.
Grandpa then received a notice that he had to pay back $6,000. Visibly upset, he complained to his grandson, an accountant. His grandson asked, “Grandpa, didn’t you wonder why you were receiving checks for doing absolutely nothing?”
Grandpa answered, “I just figured the Democrats were back in power!”
Police Comments
Top 15 wisecracks from police officers after stopping cars:
#15. “Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
#14. “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
#13. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
Subject: New AWNA Act
NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS — AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
WASHINGTON, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing.”