the Daily Funnies

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank fell on its sword, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

In more modern times, three pieces of string are walking down the street and sight a bar. They walk in, but the bartender grumpily tells them “we don’t serve strings here.” They loudly insist that they want drinks until the bartender throws them out into the street.

Two sulk away, but the third ties himself into a bowline, musses up his ends, and walks back into the bar.

“Hey, ain’t you one of them strings I just threw out of here?”

“No, sir, I’m a frayed knot”

A little dog goes into a saloon in the Wild West, and beckons to the bartender. “Hey, bartender, gimmie a whiskey.”

The bartender ignores him.

“Hey bartender, gimmie a whiskey.”

Still ignored.

“HEY BARMAN!! GIMMIE A WHISKEY!!”

The bartender takes out his six-shooter and shoots the dog in the leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain.

Three years later, the wee dog appears again, wearing boots, jeans, chaps, a Stetson, gun belt, and guns. He ambles slowly into the saloon, goes up to the bar, leans over it, and says to the bartender, “I’m here t’git the man that shot muh paw.”

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying,  ”I must have taken Leif off my census.”