the Daily Funnies

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.

“No, I don’t,” she replied.

“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I was just envisioning how condoms are made!”

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered. ‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.. I directed them to leave her alone,but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavilytattooed biker and smacked him in his face … Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, ‘Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!’

St.. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’

‘Just a couple of minutes ago……..’

A cruise ship passes a small desert island. Everyone watches as a ratty-looking bearded man runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.

“Who’s that?” asks one of the passengers.

“I have no idea,” replies the captain. “But every year we sail past and he goes nuts.”

Two men from the city public works department were working their way down the street. One dug a hole in the ground between the sidewalk and the street.

The other followed close behind filling shoveling the dirt back into the holes.

After watching this for over an hour, a neighborhood resident finally asked them what they were doing.

“I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in, but I don’t get it—why does one of you dig a hole and the other fill it in almost immediately?

“Well, we’re normally a three-man team, but the guy who plants trees called in sick today.”

The CEOs of all the beer companies of the world get together for some sort of conference. After the conference is over, they all go out to a pub. The waitress comes up to one table and asks for orders.

The CEO of Cerveceria Modelo orders a Corona.

The CEO of Anheuser-Busch orders a Budwiser.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke. “Only a Coke, sir?” the waitress asks. “Well, these others aren’t drinking beer, so I thought I would join them.”