the Daily Funnies

A struggling young ventriloquist is touring the clubs; one night he’s at one in a small town in the middle of Iowa.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:  ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?  What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor! I’ll have you know that I am a well-educated lawyer and do not appreciate your discriminating remarks and may seek action against you to perhaps correct your behavior toward blondes.”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee. “

I desperately needed a few days off from work, but I knew the boss would never let me take them. So I decided to act crazy and hope I’d get them off.

I decided I’d act like I was a light bulb. So I hung from the ceiling and made humming sounds.

My co-worker (a blond) came in and heard my noises and saw me hanging from the ceiling and asked what I was doing.

I patiently explained to her that I had become a light bulb.

Just then the boss walked in and saw me hanging from the ceiling. “What in the name of God are you doing up there?”

I told him I was a light bulb.

“You’re clearly stressed out. Go home immediately and take a few days’ rest!”

I jumped down and scurried out of the office before he changed his mind.

My co-worker (the blond) followed me out.

“Exactly where do you think you’re going?” said the boss.

“Home, too” she replied. “I can’t work in the dark.”